im scared.

when recall today.

tru out on the way to school my eyes were teary.

im scared.

i dunno wats wrong with me.

i woke up covered in blood.

i freak out.totally.

i ran to my bathroom and get myself clean.

there's something wrong with me.

i dun want anyone to noe.especially mom.

i hate when mom start to accuse and stuff.so mite as well she didt know.

the last person i want to tell is boyfiee.

but i did anyway.

im just lost with wats going on with me.

i dun wanna go doc.

coz im scared.

boyfie scolded me when i told him.

coz we already know something was not right

with me from the begining.

this have been going on almost a month already

he say his bringing me for a check up.

but i got frustrated.

his being to pushy.

he wont give me space for me to think wat i wanna do next.

he say his worried for me.

fuck.as if his alone.

and for goodnes sake.

someone pls tell him that threathen of commiting suicide dosent help a thing.

atleast dosent help me when my mind is so mixed up.

where does all this pails of blood came from. im scared.

im on the verge of letting boyfie go.

i had it with him threatening me.

really.

i dun need the..

"i sumpah atok i yg dah meningal that

klu u tak go doc i tak nak makan.."

its bad enuf i have this load on my head and now i have to think abt him too.

im so fark'd.

seriously.

if u guys wondering,

i still love him very much.

i already treat him just like my husband.

i dun want to give up on this relationship

how bad i want the relationship to work?

its as bad as if we were to break up,

i will go for marriage councelling drag him along

hehe.crazy me.

i guess his just perfect for a very DEGIL person like me.

coz his VERY VERY persuasive

yesh thats wat 'kitty' call me.degil.

so 'kitty' say his gonna drag me

to clinic for his next pay

GREAT.

but im letting him do so

maybe i shud stop calling boyfie kitty.

hahaha.

monster.inc's fault

coz as far as im concern his taking care of me now.

he wouldt want any of my hair to fall

wat more to loss alot of blood.

i never want to make him worried sick.

i swear.

hope everything goes ok.

gtg now.

hope tomorrow morning will be better.

insya'allah.

ps:ya allah,pls forgive all

my big and small sins

take care of my parents for me.

pls make me better pysically

and behaviour wise.

:'(