another fight just ended.
im tired.
all this argueing has taken a toll on me.
just wat the fuck is wrong with him.
no.actually wat the fuck is wrong with me.
i dunno man.
the clock is screaming '3,30am'.
here am i blogging.
my mind is telling me that im still upset.
my heart just longs that he would return to what he use to be.
im at my craddle but comfort does not lure me to sweet dreams.
his probably in bed now.curling up like a baby.
i have so many doubts that i felt like i want to break away from him.
hey,his not the only one scared of being left just like that.
im scared too.that one day he find everything just falls apart.

there so many voices in my head that i felt i lost.
"give way to him...u love him dun u?"
"how much longer can u put up with him?his insecurities is burning u up"
"u shud say wats bothering u to him"
"his too sensitive to listen to any logical explaination"
"he got sick of u"
"if he didt care,why dose each drop of ur tears draws a drop of blood from him?"
all this the gud and the evil tot came clashing.
my mind is waging its wars.

in the end of the day,i knew wat i wanted.

• -i want a late night phone call like we use to have when we just got together.nowadays,we talk for 30 mins then he say he want to go to sleep.end up there's certain things i wanna say, didt get tru.when i say i wanna speak to him till,say,1am during the weekdays.he say that im not understanding that he have to wake up early tommorrow.when i wanna talk to him till late during weekends, he start talking abt bills and everything concerns money.like wtf.then he blames me when i gets pissed off.and its freak me out that guys find there's nuthing to talk abt once u noe a person too well...kire kan ni kes jelak arh? :'( im freaking hurt. and everytime i cover up just not to get him feel upset.

• i want to have more time with him...his parents are not help and so is he.weekend suppose to be our tym..together.but he have to clean his closet on the weekend.oh goodness,go clean u closet on su n lah.and when i finally met him,his family have to butt in and ask him to go home early.im not freaking clingy i just wants to have time to just chill with him thats becouse i dun meet him everyday like "some people" do. when i tell him all this ,he started his preach abt his responsibility in his family.oh for allah sakes,i noe all that in the back of my mind.and im oso a elder sister in the family so my role and his role is not far different. when i start throwing trumps his eyes will start to welled up. thats my weakness,i can never see him sad or cry.everything inside will just started to hurt so much and the irritated feeling started to melt.end up i started to apologise.shitz.

did i mention.i started to be faithful.i have starting to tell people that im attached. if u know me well u know i wont tell people im attached.its my sundal attitude.but im changing for his sake.
i cancelled the date i suppose to have with ishaq today coz i know baby not happy that im out with my besties who is a guy.yesturday:

i was going back from skul whn...i was lining up for 969 at tamp iterchange when a guy came behinde me to line up at the same bus stand.i realise he keep on turning to look at me. so i gnored. i wont bother with this kinda person.when i boarded the bus he sat beside mee...the i realise he keep turning his face to look at me..so ignored again.i hear my mp3 til i fall asleep in the most unattactive manner,head hanging. hahaha. then i suddenly wake up fear that i mite miss my stop.then i swear i saw the guy beside me tiled his head and staring at me sleeping all that while. the i pretended to sleep again.then i felt a soft tap on my lap.he showed his hp ,its written

'Helo..Im _ _ _ _ _...can i get to know u...can u passing ur no.'

i remove my earpiece and say to him in soft voice.

'im attached'.

he got paisey.he actually pretend to talk on the hp loudly 'AHH1!YES!YES! I WAIT FOR U AT THE BUSTOP...OK BYE2' i turn my head facing the window and smile. i swear i was gonna burst into fits of laughter. hahahaha.but i pity him. it took a guy alot of courage for him to ask a girl forno..and rejection is embarressing.


i love my baby alot.
dun like us being together?
that ur problem u moron.
hah.